I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
