There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
