tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
