It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize