Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
