youre lurking in front of me
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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