Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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