I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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