Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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