wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
