I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
