she was so not down for the gang bang
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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