i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
