Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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