How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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