She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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