I showed him my bush... on skype.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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