Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
