he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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