i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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