Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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