she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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