Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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