she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
