im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
