i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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