I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
