Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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