That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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