Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
