Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
