I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
