At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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