Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
