Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
