And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
