She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
