I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
