Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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