Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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