Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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