I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
As shirtless as possible
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
