chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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