Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
