im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
