just survived the first fart of the relationship.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize