Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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