Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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