Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I supernannyed him into submission
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
how drunk are you?
Several
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
