Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
