I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
