He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
