I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
