We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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