Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
