Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
