God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
