Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
