I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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