once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
