I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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