I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
