wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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