Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
