So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
