You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
