I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
