I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you will always have a special place in my vag
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
