That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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