I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
