Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
