he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
