Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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