Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize