u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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