Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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