Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
