Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
