Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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