guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
